So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He did a backflip because drugs
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