I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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