if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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