And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
