the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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