Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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