Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
