You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
