Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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