I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
