Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
