All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
