I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
