if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
