This girl is more easily done than said...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
