I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
