I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
