Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
