girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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