My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
