Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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