My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
