Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
