y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
