Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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