You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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