I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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