Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
