If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
