On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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