I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
