There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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