hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
