If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
