Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
