Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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