so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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