Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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