it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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