Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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