I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
