I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
