my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
someone owes me an orgasm
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
