Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
