just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
