She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
