having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
