K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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