I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
