Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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